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Alexandria: Where's the Missing Woman, and Why's the Church Broke?Alright, let's unpack t... Alexandria: Where's the Missing Woman, and Why's the Church Broke?
Alright, let's unpack this dumpster fire of news coming out of Alexandria. First, some poor woman's been missing since 2020. Vanished. Poof. And what do we get? A freakin' email notification signup? Real helpful, guys. Authorities continue to search for woman who went missing from Alexandria back in 2020
Missing Persons and Missing Millions
Seriously, is that the best we can do? "Get email notifications on missing persons daily!" It's like they're gamifying tragedy. I half expect a pop-up ad: "Find the missing woman and win a free iPad!" Then again, maybe that's just me being cynical. But give me a break.
Then, BAM! The Diocese of Alexandria files for bankruptcy. Eighty-five clergy abuse claims, they say, and "expect that number to rise." You don't say? It's always "just a few bad apples," isn't it? Except the whole damn orchard is rotten. Bishop Robert W. Marshall, Jr. offers an apology. Oh, how touching. A little late, don't you think?
They're claiming poverty, too. "$16.7 million in assets," they whine, like that's chump change. And a "Mission Diocese" needing "outside financial assistance"? That's rich, considering how much they've probably raked in over the years. Where'd all that money go, huh?
Football and Falling Prices
Oh, and offcourse, there's football. Alexandria's team is doing great, apparently. A distraction from the real issues, perhaps? "Two powerhouses on a postseason roll..." Who gives a rat's ass when there's a missing woman and a church covering up God-knows-what?
And hey, the housing market's doing... okay? Home showings are up, some sellers are dropping prices. Lisa Sturtevant, some "chief economist," says the government shutdown is making things "cloudy." Cloudy? It's a freakin' monsoon of bad news! Prospective homebuyers active across Alexandria as sellers adjust prices
Here's a thought—maybe all those empty houses are because people are fleeing the area to get away from the scandal? Nah, that's probably too simple an explanation for these "experts."
The Cover-Up is Always Worse Than the Crime
Let's be real: the Catholic Church has been playing this game for decades. Shuffle the abusers around, pay off the victims (when they can't silence them), and pray it all goes away. It's a playbook as old as the Bible itself. Julien Lamothe, a lawyer representing some plaintiffs, is hoping for a "speedier resolution." Good luck with that. Five years and $50 million in attorney's fees, like in New Orleans? And he calls Alexandria a "poor diocese"? They're all poor... in ethics and basic human decency.
The diocese knew about a serial rapist back in the '60s—Fr. Leo Van Hoorn—and just moved him from parish to parish. They knew! And they did nothing. Van Hoorn died in 2006, probably patting himself on the back for getting away with it all.
So, What's the Real Story?
It ain't about football or housing prices or "pent-up demand." It's about a missing woman, a bankrupt church, and a whole lot of unanswered questions. And honestly, I'm not holding my breath waiting for any real answers to come out.